Atomic Number: 31 Atomic Mass: 163,696 Sq Mi Category: Sun-soaked, organic compound Electron Configuration: A glimmering mix of palm trees, surfers, and the occasional celebrity spotted in a Whole Foods. Boiling Point: Anytime rent is mentioned Special Properties: Highly reactive to yoga mats, avocado toast, and “mindfulness.” Bonds with earthquakes, tech startups, and a somewhat questionable obsession with kale. Emits a constant glow of sunshine, traffic, and the sound of a surfer dude saying, “dude, like, totally…” Warning: Prolonged exposure may lead to the need for a Tesla, an obsession with hiking in the mountains, and a tendency to casually drop names of actors you might have met. Year Discovered: 1850
