Atomic Number: 2 Atomic Mass: 46,055 Sq Mi Category: Historic, carb-heavy alloy Electron Configuration: A patchwork of Amish farms, Philly cheesesteaks, and more sports teams than any state deserves. Boiling Point: Reached every November during election season. Special Properties: Highly reactive to pretzels, hoagies, and any mention of the Eagles' last Super Bowl win. Bonds with mountains, coal mines, and the occasional heated debate over which is better: Pittsburgh or Philly. Emits a constant hum of "Wawa runs" and an undeniable love for Hershey's chocolate. Warning: Handle with care—especially on I-76 during rush hour. Year Discovered: 1787
